I finally decided the best place to start is to just start! As I learned through my personal coaching journey, sometimes you just have to do it scared. So, here I go...a scared, proud, honest account of deep, pure thoughts. There will never be the best topic or best time or even the best way to write out my thoughts. The goal of these blog posts is to #share, #enlighten, and #engage with others in a productive manner so that you don't feel #alone, trapped or ashamed about where life's roads have brought you.
I'll start with how I got here in the first place. I started to become lonely, tired, and irritable. I was becoming someone who had lost sight of who she once was. I was withdrawn from those I felt closest to. I could blame the #politics, the long hours at work, the male-dominated industry, or the traumatic exposure to events, and the unpopular opinion of the public. But, what it really boiled down to was the decision to acknowledge and reclaim the human I once was. I wouldn't trade being a wife or a mother for anything...so, when I talk about who I "once was" I am referring the person who once had purpose and meaning and value in my sphere of #influence. I've reached THAT point! The point where enough was enough.
I've debated and poured through feelings of guilt and sadness. I've used every single excuse in the book to justify the way I feel. But, honestly, the only person who has control of the way I feel, the way to find my purpose and #fulfillment, and the way to find #happiness again is ME.
Am I a quitter? Will I get a medal at the finish line? Is money enough of a reason to stay? Is being a #mom and a #wife all of the fulfillment I need and want? Is that enough? Is it enough for me? Will I be judged? Will the change be hard? Will my family be disappointed? What will my friends say? Will I damage my professional reputation? These are the questions I ponder night after night and day after day.
Quitting implies leaving or stopping. Ending a fight. Walking away. But what if stopping or leaving is the answer? The correct answer. If you just reframe the setting and trust your intuition, it can prove valuable. I'm sure at this point you are curious about what I am quitting or stopping or walking away from. And, I'll get there. But, for now, this is my process of redirecting and reaffirming some very difficult decisions if my life. And, I hope this topic and conversation strikes a chord with you. Is it a relationship, a job, a friendship, a lover, a habit, a dream, a hobby, a religious group, or [insert here]? My goal is that whatever it is for YOU that the difficult questions and topics and plans and goals help to lead you where you are meant to be. Living a life of happiness and fulfillment.
For me, I am not quitting! I am merely walking a different path; and I hope these posts can serve as a place to come along side me at whatever season of life you are in. The rules have changed and so has my mission and thus, it has led me down a new path. A path of discovery and healing and greater purpose. I've been accused of being naive in my life and this situation has proven to be no different. I thought I could be different. I thought I could be invincible to the pain and blowback of years of trauma. I thought I knew for sure how the trauma would affect my family, my friends, and my health. I thought I knew what putting my family first meant. I thought I knew what trust and compassion meant. I thought I could do it all, handle it all, and love it all! I thought enough was always #enough. I thought all of this until it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough for my husband, my children, and most importantly, myself.
When you look at the definition of enough, you'll find a definition that reads something like: "used to indicate that one is unwilling to tolerate any more of (something undesirable)"
And that, is what has brought me here. Because ENOUGH was finally ENOUGH!